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| Congratulations to my brother, Alfred and Aurelia on their recent engagement. Even though the proposal was not official, Auring is considered our sister since she lived with us for the past 2 months. I am proud to announce my brother's engagement. Here's the few snapshot of today's event. | | |
| This is a poem I created and thought about today.
Tears of Sadness
There are moments that I cannot get you out of my mind
I remembered all the things we did together
It is not only your touch and caress I remembered,
But your smile and the spark in your eyes.
I often daydream about you,
Replaying all our conversation,
Even though it does not make sense.
We laughed about the things we talked about,
Fought about the things we disagreed,
But we always agreed not to fight again.
Seeing you ache me to have you to myself,
But I know it is wrong to be with you.
Every time you touch me, caress me, kiss me,
I cry.
You ask me why
It is not tears of happiness,
But it is tears of sadness.
I know from that moment,
It will be last time I will see you.
At least you know how much I love you
And I will never forget you.
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| Let me see. Before I start listing my new year's resolution for this year, I have to write about my sister's and her friend's plan for me this year. From my previous blog entry, I have mentioned about "Dick". Well, my sister was not too keen about him. She wanted me to find the right man for me. Unfortunately, I pretty much stucked with him for this long. My sister and her friend cooked up some plan for me to forget Dick. Ok, one of my friends told me that I need a man who will just sweep me off my feet and forget about Dick. Their plan was to find me a Latin guy who will need to pass my sister and her friend first. Basically, they are going to screen every one of them. Well, we had lunch yesterday and discussed the criteria or requirements I am looking for in a guy. What I am scared the most, they might be able to find the guys especially my sister's friend knows so many people plus if her friend's brother will get involve, they might be able to find a potential mate for me. I have given her friend the go signal to find me the "right" guy. This is going to be the most interesting year. I am definitely starting the year with a bang. 
One thing I am looking forward this year is to find the right person for me to marry. I have put this aside for so long that I know I am ready to make a commitment. Oh, yeah, definitely no more running away. I have run away so often that it is becoming a nuisance. Well, my first attempt this year is to ask someone to go with me to a wedding next week. I was worried because he might not go with me since I asked him too late, but he said yes to me. He actually planning to ask his boss for a day off next Saturday. I am so pleased. 
And now for my darn new year's resolution list. It's not going to be a long list, but at least I will try and attempt to do it for this year. It might be a good change for me and might be fun. Woohoo, fun, fun, fun....
1. To find the right person to be with in long terms
2. To get rid of "Dick" once and for all
3. To stay healthy like going to the gym regularly, which for the whole month of December, I was sooooo bad.
4. To go to church as often as I used to
5. To calm myself down during traffic hours
6. To be more honest with my mother when it comes to dating men
7. To be more assertive with men and my mother
8. To be more patient with people in general
9. To be more open and less cynic about life
10. To enjoy life to the fullest
I think this is pretty good. It will be a good start. I know some of these might be hard to do, but you know it will be a good change for this year. HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!!!!
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| I have not done any blog for this week since Christmas Day and so many things have happened. I have talked to my aunt and uncle about my problems. It is hard for me to discuss the issues I am having with "Dick" (I'm calling him this name for now) with my mother. I just hope that my mother is unbiased and open-minded, but I cannot pick and choose my mother. She has been biased and judgmental ever since I was a kid.
Well, this is what happened and it was actually funny. I showed Dick's picture to my aunt and my uncle. It was so weird that by looking at his picture, my aunt figured out how he is with women. Brace yourself, she said that he's such a casanova or charmer. He knows how to talk to women and he makes sure that he wraps them around his fingers. I said to myself, oh my God, my aunt figured him out by just looking at the picture. Ok, with my uncle, he said that he is the type of a guy gets his way, either his way or the highway. Well, another one that is so true.
Then I started telling my story. I told them that I have asked Dick to give me some time and space for two weeks to think about what have happened for the past three months. I needed to figure out what I want from myself and from him. My uncle told me that he will not leave me alone. I have hurt his pride and he will make sure that he will try to change my mind. I told my uncle that Dick is not interested in me and I am not the woman for him. My uncle was so funny that he said he is an idiot if he does not think you are a good catch. He said that he is acting like a macho by not showing his emotions and feelings to me. You know what, this is the thing I did not want at all. I did not want any mind games and Dick is playing and damn it, he's playing it too good. It is quite annoying. As for my aunt, she thinks that my "relationship" will not be over with him even though I will be with someone else. Ok, with all these discussions, it freaked me out. One thing that stuck in my head what my aunt said, though he has given me time and space, he will contact me no matter what. He will just disregard the conversation with him because it is not his way. Well, the biggest fear happened on Wednesday when Dick imed me. That idiot forgot my conversation with him a week ago that no contact at all. I have to remind him that he has another week before I could talk to him.
One thing that my therapist said to me, I will need to work on my assertiveness. Though I am assertive at work, I have seemed to have problems with men. I am too nice with them. It never occurred to me that I am nice. I always thought I was a cold-hearted bitch who only cares about myself. She said that I care too much around me that I forgot about myself. I give people a chance even though they have hurt me.
For the past 48 hours, two men have told me that I am a wonderful woman. I don't know if I am because Dick never thinks so. They said I deserve better. Well, they are not the only one have said that. My sister and the rest of my friends have said it, too. I know I am so stupid and naive to see what Dick is doing to me. But I am so sure that I know what I want from myself now. The question is how to tell Dick what I want without having him in my life.
This week has been an eye opening, not only visually, but emotionally. I guess I have blocked so many emotions when I was not dating for 7 years and the first thing I have done was fell in love with an idiot. An idiot who is bitter in life, divorced, with 3 kids, who he does not care at all even though he claims he does. What kind of father who does not see his kids. His biggest excuse was the holiday was coming up and he does not want to hurt his kids. Holidays should bring family together, not apart. In this case, Dick is not for me. I love children and I want my man to love his children tenderly with all his heart.
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