| | I have not done any blog for this week since Christmas Day and so many things have happened. I have talked to my aunt and uncle about my problems. It is hard for me to discuss the issues I am having with "Dick" (I'm calling him this name for now) with my mother. I just hope that my mother is unbiased and open-minded, but I cannot pick and choose my mother. She has been biased and judgmental ever since I was a kid.
Well, this is what happened and it was actually funny. I showed Dick's picture to my aunt and my uncle. It was so weird that by looking at his picture, my aunt figured out how he is with women. Brace yourself, she said that he's such a casanova or charmer. He knows how to talk to women and he makes sure that he wraps them around his fingers. I said to myself, oh my God, my aunt figured him out by just looking at the picture. Ok, with my uncle, he said that he is the type of a guy gets his way, either his way or the highway. Well, another one that is so true.
Then I started telling my story. I told them that I have asked Dick to give me some time and space for two weeks to think about what have happened for the past three months. I needed to figure out what I want from myself and from him. My uncle told me that he will not leave me alone. I have hurt his pride and he will make sure that he will try to change my mind. I told my uncle that Dick is not interested in me and I am not the woman for him. My uncle was so funny that he said he is an idiot if he does not think you are a good catch. He said that he is acting like a macho by not showing his emotions and feelings to me. You know what, this is the thing I did not want at all. I did not want any mind games and Dick is playing and damn it, he's playing it too good. It is quite annoying. As for my aunt, she thinks that my "relationship" will not be over with him even though I will be with someone else. Ok, with all these discussions, it freaked me out. One thing that stuck in my head what my aunt said, though he has given me time and space, he will contact me no matter what. He will just disregard the conversation with him because it is not his way. Well, the biggest fear happened on Wednesday when Dick imed me. That idiot forgot my conversation with him a week ago that no contact at all. I have to remind him that he has another week before I could talk to him.
One thing that my therapist said to me, I will need to work on my assertiveness. Though I am assertive at work, I have seemed to have problems with men. I am too nice with them. It never occurred to me that I am nice. I always thought I was a cold-hearted bitch who only cares about myself. She said that I care too much around me that I forgot about myself. I give people a chance even though they have hurt me.
For the past 48 hours, two men have told me that I am a wonderful woman. I don't know if I am because Dick never thinks so. They said I deserve better. Well, they are not the only one have said that. My sister and the rest of my friends have said it, too. I know I am so stupid and naive to see what Dick is doing to me. But I am so sure that I know what I want from myself now. The question is how to tell Dick what I want without having him in my life.
This week has been an eye opening, not only visually, but emotionally. I guess I have blocked so many emotions when I was not dating for 7 years and the first thing I have done was fell in love with an idiot. An idiot who is bitter in life, divorced, with 3 kids, who he does not care at all even though he claims he does. What kind of father who does not see his kids. His biggest excuse was the holiday was coming up and he does not want to hurt his kids. Holidays should bring family together, not apart. In this case, Dick is not for me. I love children and I want my man to love his children tenderly with all his heart.
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| | Posted 12/31/2006 7:58 PM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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