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| My family has a very interesting meal this morning after the mass. My mother has mentioned about us marrying Caucasian people only. We told her that if we are marrying people because of their color, then we might as well get ourselves ready for the cost of the divorce. I told my mother that the divorce cost more than marriage. If I'm going to marry somebody, I will make sure that I love him for he is and he believes in having good future. Another thing I told my mother if I'm going to marry somebody that I'm interested because she wanted us to marry that kind of people, she might as well pay for our divorce proceedings. I don't believe in divorce and I'm making sure that I will pick the right man for me. The three of us argued with my mother that she has to let us pick who we want to marry. With my father's support, he backed us up and told my mother that she needs to let us choose our future spouses without her interferences. I love my dad. My father understands that if we are going to marry somebody that mother chooses, he knows we are going to be miserable. My mother should know that when she met my father, she was engaged with somebody else. She chose love instead of wealth and power. Well, that's what we are doing.
Another strange thing about this conversation, I talked to my aunt. I told her that mother is freaking out every time my sister and I go out with friends or with dates. Well, we don't tell her that we are going on a date. She will ask million of questions. We rather avoid the unnecessary stress. I told her that my mother is not worried about my brother. She was so funny that your brother does not go out anyway so my mother has no problem with him. My aunt said that though my mother wants us to get married, deep in my mother's heart, she does not want us to get married. I told my aunt that that's not make sense if she wants us to have grandchildren. My aunt believes that she does not want to lose her children. I think that is ridiculous and silly. Well, to sum it up, my aunt told me go out there and have fun. Find the right person we will be with in the future, but make sure that we are careful in the process.
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| For the longest time, I have not attended a midnight mass on Christmas Eve. Well, it's actually Christmas Day. Don't get me wrong, I love listening to the choir, but the mass was putting me to sleep. The devil was really whispering in my ear and telling to go to sleep. The sermon was not bad, but my complaint was that the priest was singing most of the rites so it was really putting me to sleep. I don't normally talk during my mass, but I have to bother my sister. The music was awesome, but they should have picked the right songs like joyous and fun so that the attendees will be more awake. I think it's pretty much half of the people in church were falling asleep. Of course, one of those people was my father. My mother has to nudge him so many times during the mass that mother has decided to hold his hands and whenever he drowsed off, my mother just squeezed his hands. I thought that was the most hilarious sight of all. One good thing about the mass, a young gentleman behind us has a beautiful voice. He was singing every song during the mass. It was keeping me awake most of the time except during ceremonial rites. Another worst thing of all, my right knee was bothering while we were kneeling. I thought I will not make it to the end of the mass. But other than that, it was nice to see that my family went to church together again.
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| As I was growing up, I never understood the meaning of giving gifts to others instead of receiving one. We have our selfish ways that we forgot that there are other people in the world deserve to receive special gifts once in a while. I did not know that it was very uplifting to just give your precious time to those people who are in need of help and support until this Christmas.
At my work, I am part of a social committee that organizes events and holidays for Information Technology department. For the past three years, we have organized Christmas gatherings and gifts for both children and elder people. Our first year in the committee, many people from IT department contributed toys for the children. We have given these toys to our patients in the hospital and the children enjoyed receiving different gifts. Last year, instead of giving toys to children, my committee decided to give gifts to the elder people. It was a success that we did it again this year. Though I have been in a committee for the past three years, I have not given the gifts to the people. Yesterday, my two good friends at work wrapped all the presents for today's events. We worked so hard the three of us that we finished wrapping the gifts in two hours. Even though I am so busy at work, I have dedicated my time to help out and give out gifts today. My friends and I were Santa elves that we helped our Santa to give out the gifts. It was such a joy to see the patients were enjoying receiving presents. One of the patients said to one of us that he did not want to receive the gifts. He said that we should give the gifts to the homeless. It was the very thoughtful thing to say even though he deserved to get one. As the Christmas spirit spreads, we sang to them and they left the unit with a smile while they were carrying their presents on their arms and hands.
Though my Christmas has not been great this year because of certain circumstances in my life, the sight of making other people happy lifted my spirits. I wish everyone a Merry, merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.
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| My entry last month was for a change, but this entry will be my healing process. I have shed so many tears for the past few days that it breaks my heart especially holidays are coming. Every time I hear Christmas songs, it makes me cry. I hate to turn it off and be a grinch. Christmas is a joyful holiday and here I am, crying my hearts out. With the support of my good friends and families, I manage to put a smile on my face even for a few seconds. Yesterday, I spent my time with one of my good friends shopping with her daughter. Her daughter's smile made me forget that I have troubles for awhile. But when I went home, reality hit me. I don't want to be in love with someone who I know will break my heart. Because love is so blind, I continue loving him even though I know the circumstances. However, I woke up this morning and realized that I need to get my life back. I confronted him and told him that I am tired of all the lies and excuses. Making this decision hurts me more because I am forced to end something that will end up making me miserable furthermore. It will take me awhile to get over this feeling, but with the support of my friends and families, I know I will get my life back. One step I did for my healing process was I went to church today. I have not gone to church for eight months and it felt so good to come home and have a clear mind. Though my heart aches for him, I want the best for me. The only thing I wish for him this Christmas is to find happiness.
Merry Christmas to all!!!
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| My sister asked me to start my wish list so I am doing it. I might not get fifty wishes, but I will try. There is no way I can wish that much for this year.
Wish List 2006:
1. A nice, sweet boyfriend
2. Look number one, hopefully a future husband
3. If I can find a good husband, my own children
4. Better health
5. Motorola Blue Tooth H500 - Fulfilled
6. Unicorn
7. Watch
8. Good health for my mother
9. A good boyfriend for my sister
10. A good girlfriend for my brother
11. A nice 14K gold necklace
12. A nice 14K tear drop earrings
13. A nice and fluffy pillows
14. iPod 30G
15. A laptop
16. Bigger hard drive memory for my PC desktop
17. More sleep - I think it's a bad idea. Been getting it too much and I'm always tired.
18. More time alone - sorry, guys. I need some time alone. Been so tired of mind games.
19. Tickets to Aeros game
20. To lose more weight
21. Webcam
Ok, that's all I can think of. I know I will not be able to reach fifty. I'm not even close to twenty-five. That is so sad.
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